One Year...And Then Some

Today marks One Year Anniversary that I have been "officially" waiting for a baby boy from the Congo.
It has been One Year, 7 months, and 19 days since I was "officially" accepted into the Congo program.
It has been 2 years and 1 month since God whispered into my ear that I would adopt a baby from Africa.

Looking back over Baby Joaquin's timeline, I am filled with awe and wonder in how the Lord brought me to where I am today.  I was only a few months in "officially" working on the Nepal dossier when his seed was planted in my heart.  From day one, his journey to me has been one of hope, a ray of sunshine.  There hasn't been any drama.  Things have been, although slow at times, steadily moving.  I've always known where I stand.  In contrast, his sister has taken me on different journey.  One of heartache, anxiety, fear, but also incredible joy, happiness, and thankfulness.  So I am not surprised that even though I was hoping to have a referral for him by now,  I do not.  I look back at each of the steps along the way and I see how the Lord was guiding me - in tandem with his sister's journey.  I have always prayed for God's timing with these two lives, that they would come home at the perfect time.  I have gone through periods of trying to figure out who will make it home first and why and how that particular scenario would be best.  And yes, I've figured out how if either one makes it home first, that would be best!  But when it comes down to it, I have to continually trust and know that the Lord has these two lives in the palm of his hand.  And whoever comes home first, the timing is perfect.  I'm trying to not be anxious because I want to see his sweet face SO BAD!!!!  When I'm in supermarkets or stores and hear a crying baby, I want so badly to go ask the mom if I can hold it.  I love holding crying babies.  I know that probably sounds weird but I do!  I love rocking them and singing to them and comforting them.  I wander through the baby sections at stores and look longingly at all of the cute clothes.  Probably twice a week I browse all the diapers at Justsimplybaby and imagine how cute he will look in them.  I can't wait to change his diaper- even the blowouts- because I've waited SO LONG (not just through the adoption period) to have a baby.  I can't wait to carry him around in my Ergo baby carrier.  I can't wait to make his baby food.  I can't wait to photograph him in my garden.  I can't wait to sing him to sleep.  I can't wait to get up in the middle of the night, sleepy-eyed to soothe him back to sleep.  I can't wait to give him a bath and watch him play with the water.  I can't wait to hear him say, "mama."  I can't wait to see him smile at me.  So when I start to feel frustrated, I continually remind myself that God knows who he is and where he is and I rely on that for strength to keep waiting.

Knowing that today would be harder than the others in waiting for Baby Joaquin, I think it's fitting that his sister provided a much needed balm to this aching heart.  Although my caseworker called me Wednesday to let me know about her official referral, today I actually had it in my hands!  I saw her new footprints and hand prints!  She weighs 35 lbs.  She has met all of her milestones.  She gets along with her peers.  I also learned some new things and I will treasure those in my heart.

But the best part about today?  I got to write, "I accept M______ as my daughter" across a gazillion documents.  Never have I enjoyed writing a sentence over and over and over again as I have today!

I HAVE A DAUGHTER!!!!!!!