Friday, November 30, 2012

The Dangling Carrot Continues.....

When I found out my caseworker was making a trip to MG's country, I was VERY excited.  She was going to the city where MG is and was going to see her.  I was so hungry for information about her personality and to know that someone I could ask an obsessive amount of questions was going to be the one to see her, well it was just what I needed!

The first few days she was in country she was staying in the capital.  The main reason for her trip was because there were several cases going before the high court and she wanted to be there with the families.  She emailed me several days into her trip and told me that the Orphanage Director expected my court date to be 12/5 or 12/6.  WHAT?????  Super, crazy, excited!!!!  I started making a list of everything I would have to get accomplished, starting making my packing list, started researching airfare, and finally allowed myself to get REAL excited about it!    Every morning I was obsessively checking my email looking for that long awaited travel confirmation.

It never came.

Instead, in a horrible string of events, one of the cases was dismissed by the court.
That family had been battling for their daughter for over four years.
How do you tell a precious girl who is beyond old enough to understand, a sweet girl who had spent time with her hopefully soon-to-be family, that the court said no?
My heart hurt so bad when I found out.  I felt sick and all I could do was pray for them.  I can not even begin to imagine the vacuum she must feel she was pulled into.

Because of these events, my coordinator stayed in the capital with the family.  I felt like a horrible person because I was so disappointed that she wouldn't make the trip to MG's city after all.   I was so looking forward to new pictures but most of all, I was already preparing my interrogation about MG's personality, does she still know I'm coming? Is she excited about me?  Is she scared?  Does she still have hope in her little heart?

And then I thought of the mom who will never be able to bring her daughter home.
I go back and forth between crying for her and praying for her because that's all I can do.

It took my caseworker 2 days to email me back about her trip to MG's city and the fact that they still don't have a court date for me.   I know she didn't want to send that email.  In her mind, I think the trip was going to turn out quite differently for everyone involved.  I know she pours her heart into each case and she has prayer warriors who pray for each family.  She is invested in her cases emotionally, spiritually and physically!  Even though I am disappointed that she didn't go to MG's orphanage, I LOVE that she stayed with the family and loved on them and tried to provide comfort for them.

The day I received her email, I had been sick and was feeling emotionally lousy.  Being so close and yet so far at the same time is really starting to take a toll on me.  I get real excited just to get let down.  But I'm fearful of guarding my heart so much that I become apathetic (not towards MG, just the process).  I know that's not a healthy way to deal with the wait.

So while I was wallowing in self-pity, my dogs informed me that the mailman had arrived.  A few days earlier, a friend of mine asked me for my address because she said she had a Christmas gift for M.  I opened the box and inside was this beautiful, handmade purse from India.

I sat down and cried.
It is so beautiful and that kind gesture was exactly what I needed to renew my hope.  One day SOON, my sweet baby girl will be carrying this purse around!
And you can bet that I will post a picture of that!

In the end, I have resigned myself yet again to surrender all of this to the Lord and to hope, wait, and trust in Him.


  1. Oh, I have been dying for an update from you! I'm so sorry you didn't get some fun answers about MG :( BUT, I'm so glad to know that we chose an agency that has an invested director and that L stayed with the family to bring them comfort. I was also selfishly hoping she would go to MG's orphanage and find them perfect child for our family :-)

  2. I'm so sorry.
    I wish it were different.
    What a roller coaster. :( What a letdown for you.

    Sending love and many prayers your way.

  3. I'm speechless, really. But one thing I know and I repeat to myself. I wait for God alone. God we ask that you would bring sweet Munni home and give her mommy the peace that passes all understanding!

    1. Karen!!! Your prayer made me cry- in the good kind of way :) Thank you so much for all of your support!

  4. I am just heartsick for her family -- how kind of your case worker to make herself available for them. At the same time, I am so sorry you didn't have any news this week. Holding you up in prayer,

  5. I caught up with your blog today and don't think it is a coincidence that I found this quote soon after. Continue to see the hand of God in both of your lives. Hope you hear some good news soon.

  6. Oh...that purse is BEAUTIFUL. And I also am so sorry you didn't get news about M. Blech. I am continuing to pray for you...for sweet M....and for your court date.

  7. Oh Kristen, I am so very sorry that you didn't get more news. The wait is so hard. Sweet Munni is worth it, though, and it will be a partying kind of day when she is finally in your arms!

  8. This part of the journey can be so emotionally draining. I think we do what we can to protect our hearts, knowing that the suppressed emotion eventually comes out any way. Such hard news for the other family. I don't know how one recovers from that. Hope that you hear some confirmed good news soon!


  9. I'm so sorry :( I'm not even at the hard part yet, we are just waiting for our homestudy to get approved, ha! And it gets hard, so I can understand. Someday we will all be ooing and ahhing over the lovely pics of all our girls, and perhaps meeting up at India Camp in OK :)

  10. I had heard about the other family via other India families. Praying and praying for them. How completely heartbreaking.
    I feel your pain about the wait. Every time we think we are going to get a concrete answer or an official date, it doesn't come. Can I ask how you know you will definitely travel once you pass Court? We passed court on October 30th, but still have a long wait ahead of us for his passport (possibly 50-60 additional days). We expect that we will only be able to book a flight once they call to tell us the passport is ready!