Sunday, January 15, 2012

My Own Personal Desert, Not Dessert

This is Frida Baby, my first pet as an adult. I love this kitty because she is so sweet and loves to sit on my lap and purr. She's been doing a lot of that lately because I went all hard core and cut my cable. I know, right? I definitely went through some withdrawal but the upside is that I've been reading much more (with the company of Frida Baby), started training for a half-marathon, and generally have been more productive. On top of that, I'm saving mucho dinero each month that I can now apply to the adoption costs.

One book that I started reading has been very influential, encouraging, and challenging. It's called, The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns.  He is the CEO of World Vision. I'm about halfway through the book and I've learned a lot, reflected a lot, and cried a lot.  The main points he covers are, what does God expect of us and are we willing to be open to God's will for our lives?  As I look back over this adoption journey, I've seen how much I've grown in my faith and relationship with Jesus.  It's FORCED me to be utterly and completely dependent upon Him.  And every time that I forget that, He is faithful to send me a reminder :)  I've also realized that sometimes, actually often, God's blessings come through our sufferings.  I think about the times on this journey when I was devastated, discouraged, and basically beat down.  At each of those points, He has answered me with blessings and encouragement beyond anything I could have ever imagined.  I think about Israel when they were wandering around the desert for 40 years...40 YEARS!  And I hope that my desert experience isn't 40 years!  But at the same time, there is so much beauty and freedom in the reliance on Him for my daily sustenance.  When I read about the Israelites I've found myself scorning them in my head, thinking things like, how dumb are they?  Don't they remember that he parted the freakin' red sea so they could get away??  Every day he rained down manna from heaven so they could eat!  Can you imaging seeing bread falling from the sky?  And they still didn't get it.  And then there's me.  He has provided EVERY step of the way.  Don't I remember??  I picture Him poking me on the forehead and saying, "Am I getting through?  Are you in there??  Don't you see?"

Ever since I had my Christmas Miracle, the battle has been full on.  Wow, has it been challenging.  A whole new set of worries and temptations to veer me away from relying on Him and trying to rely on myself.  I have come to terms (again) that there is no way that I can ever pull this off.  And that's exactly the way He wants it.  Because, again, this is not about me.  This is about Him and He being glorified.  It's like we are in a play and I keep trying to steal his lines.  And He keeps putting me in check.

Adoption is so hard because everything that is important in this process is completely out of your hands.  I think about sweet Miss Sofia passing more and more time in the orphanage and I wonder, does anyone hug her? Does anyone tell her she's special?  That she's beautiful?  That God has an amazing plan for her life...just wait and see?  Every day I pray that God will put hope in her little heart and I have to trust that He is doing that.

I am praying that God will again amaze me and defy what the world says about how long her adoption will take.  I'm praying for a miracle.  I'm praying that I will be able to fly this summer and meet her.  I'm reminding myself that the government is upon His shoulders.  That He has the power to put her file in the hands of the most productive people over there.  I'm waiting for Him to do the Jeti move, "these aren't the droids you are looking for" kind of stuff.  And in the meantime, I will look to heaven for my manna.  Thank you God for the carbs!

Oh, and in case you are interested in buying the book, 100% of the royalties go directly to support children through World Vision.  How do you like them apples??!!!


  1. Sarah left the most amazing comment which I've copied and pasted from my email below. In my enthusiasm to publish it from my iphone, I accidentally hit delete (fred flinstone thumb ) :( BUT, I want my kiddos to have a copy of everything everyone has said so here it is and Sarah, I'm sorry!

    This is beautiful, Kristen, and oh-so-very-true! I often have to remind myself of what He has already done. But, He is faithful to keep teaching me...a little bit more each day. Oh, how we desperately need Him, and, like you, oh how I want to see Him glorified!

    1. Kristen, I love this. I really do think this process is SO HARD, yet it is so beautiful, because it is filled with learning more and more about the Lord, and being transformed more into His likeness.

      We also liked the Hole in the Gospel. Caleb read it this summer, and would tell me all about it. Just tonight at dinner we were talking about "goals" for the next year, and our family goal is definitely to serve others more. :) Exactly what that book is talking about!!!!

      Praying for you!!!!