There's a Lesson to be Learned….

and if I'm honest, I'm really, really not down with it.
My selfish, impatient being is fighting it.
I know God is bringing me to a deeper level of trust and rest- that I MUST trust in him AND (the biggest part) REST in him and his omnipotent power.

Today I received the document I needed for the RFE.
Aaaand….there's a mistake in it.
Womp womp womp :(
So, I have to wait until Monday for a new letter to be drafted.
Another 3 days or so for it to get to me in the mail.
I'm hoping and praying I can get everything to USCIS by the end of next week and then REALLY praying that my officer will be quick in issuing the approval.

Every adoptive mama is crazy with wanting to get everything done yesterday ASAP, but there's a back story here.

I know that the state level clearance meeting hasn't met in R's region in about 7 months.  I've been praying that I would be the last woman on the train if you get my gist.  I don't want to even think about the other option :(

So, I must wait and trust.  Trust that God is moving on her behalf.  I don't believe in the "God's perfect timing" thing as I wrote about here.  I don't believe for one second that it's his will for children to languish in orphanages months and years waiting for their forever families.  So instead of praying for "God's perfect timing," Please pray for God's swift and powerful hand to work on R's behalf.  Please pray that God would nudge the right people's hearts to move her paperwork forward.

This is a spiritual battle and the enemy is fighting it every step of the way.

I also need to take comfort daily that THE BEST WARRIOR OUT THERE is on my side and fighting for sweet, baby R.

Again, the other night I was reading the OT and God cracks me up when he asks his people questions. He really does have a way to deliver zingers- but in a way that doesn't tear you down :)  I love (ok, not really love but am grateful) when he puts my fear in check.

"This is what the Lord of Heaven's Armies says:  All this may seem impossible to you now….But is it impossible for me? says the Lord of Heaven's Armies." - Zechariah 8:6

I love this for so many reasons.  I love it that he reminds me how small my mind is.  How limited my vision is.  I love that he refers to himself TWICE as the Lord of Heaven's Armies.  As in, are you getting this Kristen?  I am LARGE AND IN CHARGE.  And personally, I love his frankness.  It always makes me laugh.  When he answers with questions, I know it's good :)

So here's my proverbial raising the glass to the Lord of Heaven's Armies.  Thank you for taking names and kicking butt for Baby R!!!!

Help Me Win!!!!

Hello!!!!  So I have a HUGE favor to ask of you :)

The picture of Munni Bird and me was entered into a contest for a 16X20 wall canvas.  I would REALLY love to walk into my house every day and have that canvas greet me :)

The contest is over tomorrow…. All you need to do is "Like" Anne Gregoire Photography's page on Facebook and then "Like" the image of Munni and me.  Here is the link that will take you to the page.  The name of the album is "Anne Gregoire Photography- Canvas/Fan Gift Card Giveaway"

This is the picture:

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!!!!!!!

Let's Get This Party Started!

So yesterday was the kickoff to my birthday weekend and what better way to start that party than to come home and find this waiting for me??!!!!

The cutest passport picture!

This humbles me on so many levels.  Having my luggage stolen with all of Munni's adoption paperwork inside has proved to be a canvas for God to create masterpieces of his goodness, his faithfulness, his provision, and his never-ending love.  Despite not having that paperwork and with Ind*a not complying to requests for copies of the documents, He made it happen.  I was able to get medical care for her that saved her life.  I was able to finalize her adoption in the United States, which allowed me to get her a state birth certificate.  I was able to get her a SSN.  And now, she has a USA passport!  I am in awe!

During the month of January I did a media fast.  It was so, so good.  I was able to really reflect on some things and spent a ton of time in prayer.  One of the things I have been struggling with is Baby R's adoption- or more accurately- my prayers for her adoption.  With Munni, I think because I was in limbo for so long and deep in my heart, I just knew I had to get her out of there (turns out my mother instincts were right), so my prayers were prayers of desperation, pleading, begging, beseeching.  It consumed me.

With Baby R's adoption, everything happened so quickly.  I got the call about her on a Monday evening.  Tuesday morning came and found out that she was truly available.  Wednesday came and I was officially matched with her on the C*R*NGS website.  Saturday morning came and I woke up to two precious pictures of my daughter.  Those pictures spoke VOLUMES about the type of care she is receiving.  Her hair is long.  They took time to make sure she was dressed in a beautiful dress.  She had on clean, white socks :)  Her hair was fixed beautifully and she was wearing bangles.  I never received a photo of Munni like that.  In fact, in October 2012, just two months before I would meet her, I received 2 photos of her that made me break down and sob.  She looked so thin.  Her hair was shaved. She looked like an inmate :(

This past fall, I was consumed with Munni's health issues.  I was a wreck.  And on top of that I was getting all the paperwork compiled for my home study update, Munni's finalization, and my dossier.  I was also fundraising.  I was cuh -RAY- zeeeeee.  A straight jacket would have been my fall wardrobe go-to item.  All of that to say that between that stress and the comfort of knowing that R is in a place where she is being well cared for, my prayers weren't prayers of desperation, or pleading, or begging, or beseeching.  I felt extremely guilty.  I felt like a slacker.  Did I not love Baby R as much as Munni because my prayers were so different?  Was I really allowing my heart to be fully open to her? Or, had my prayer life evolved?  Was I trusting God more this time around?  I would like to think that it was the latter but in all reality, it was more of me being at a point where I told God he had to handle this because I didn't have anything to give.  I was completely spent.  I was empty.  And you know what?  That's exactly where he wanted me.  He whispered his sweet words of wisdom to me that it's not about anything that I do.  It never is.  It's about him and what he's capable to do.  Here's the rub- since I prayed so much for Munni and her process, He showed me that I was attaching my "works" to her adoption being completed.  In my heart, I was stealing glory from God.  Not a fun realization.  I was reading the book of Zechariah when this really sunk in and hit home.  I was reading about Zerubbabel and how he was given the responsibility to rebuild the temple in Jerusalem:

"This is what the Lord says to Zerubbabel:  It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Heaven's Armies.  Nothing, not even a mighty mountain, will stand in Zerubbabel's way; it will become a level plain before him!  And when Zerubbabel sets the final stone of the Temple in place, the people will shout:  'May God bless it!  May God bless it!'" - Zechariah 4:6-7

And then I read the commentary:

"Many people believe that to survive in this world a person must be tough, strong, unbending, and harsh.  But God says, "Not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit."  The keys words are "by my Spirit." It is only through God's Spirit that anything of lasting value is accomplished.  The returned exiles were indeed weak- harassed by their enemies, tired, discouraged, and poor.  But actually they had God on their side!  As you live for God, determine not to trust in your own strength or abilities.  Instead, depend on God and work in the power of his Spirit!"

Whoa!  I was a blubbering mess!  He spoke straight to me heart and it was beautiful.  Instead of "returned exiles" he could have put my name.  Kristen was weak.  Kristen was tired.  Kristen was discouraged.  Kristen was poor.  But I have God on my side and I know that God intends for Baby R to be in our little family.  HE has paved the way.  HE is making it happen.  I have taken my hands off the wheel and confessed any "works" that I have attached to it.  It's such a beautiful place to rest in his mighty, glorious power.

It's interesting to see the different lessons that God continues to teach me through these two amazing lives.  I feel like through Munni's adoption,  He showed me time and time again, through miracle after miracle, that NOTHING is too hard for him.  Her case was a difficult one indeed that left many people shaking their heads.  And yet, here she is, home with her mama!  I got a tattoo of the Genesis verse 18:14 to remind me of that.  I don't ever want to forget or grow calloused to his greatness.

I had been pondering what kind of ink I want to get for Baby R.  I kept praying, but nothing felt right.  Now I know :)

Out of My Hands!

This is going to sound like Greek to anyone not going through an international adoption but here it is!
Saturday was a big day- I was able to get all the referral documents notarized and overnighted to Columbus for the apostilles.  I included an overnight return envelope in hopes it would motivate them to act quickly :)  I also overnighted my I-800 immigration paperwork.

Monday came and I was in full on stalking mode.  I'm really good at that :)  Much to my delight, I was able to ascertain the exact time that both items were delivered.  This was water to my OCD parched soul.

Today the FedEx truck left me a very special package:)  Columbus had my back in a HUGE way!  They received my documents on Monday at noon, did all the apostilles, and put everything in that overnight envelope the same day.  I'm thinking my envelope strategy worked :)   I promptly went to the Post Office and overnighted all the documents back to my agency.  They will now send these to Ind*a!!!!!

The last piece of the puzzle involves the immigration.  The first immigration approval I received was for a child from Ind*a.  The documents I just sent were for Baby R specifically.  I know they were received at the lockbox on Monday at 11:48 p.m.  It now needs to get forwarded to the National Visa Processing Center, which is in New Hampshire.  I'm praying that since there was a glitch with my first approval and my case is *fresh* on my officer's mind, that he will approve it in lightening speed :)  When that happens, I will be notified via email and have ONE LAST FORM TO FILL OUT, which is her visa application!!  The heavens are opening and the light at the end of the paper tunnel is getting brighter and brighter!!  Once I fill out the visa application for Baby R, they will wire everything to the US Embassy in New Delh*   At that time, I will be waiting for my Article 5.  That is the last piece of info from the US side that is needed to move forward with her case.  So once the Article 5 is issued, this is what we are looking at:

1) State level clearance
2) NOC - the coveted federal clearance :)
3) Court
4) passport
5) TRAVEL!!!!!!!!!!

I walked out of the post office and started bawling.  I was so happy and it's really sinking in that IT'S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!  Every day Munni asks me when are we going to go get her baby sister and bring her home.  I'm praying for summer….

God continues to humble and amaze me.  He humbles me in reminding me that it is he who is orchestrating this beautiful story and he amazes me with how he comes through time and time and time again.

Thank you for all your prayers and support :)

Celebrating Gotcha Day With My Forever Valentine!!!

I should not have worn mascara on Valentine's day.  Big mistake.  Huge.  I was a blubbering fool all day long :)  From the moment I woke up my Munni Bird, I was overcome with emotion.  I just could not believe that she has been with me for a whole year!  

When I picked her up in Hyderabad, she was like the tightest Peony bulb you could find.  We had so many unexpected trials come our way, but the ants of life slowly and surely opened the petals and she has bloomed into the most beautiful and fragrant flower of a little girl!  My life is blessed beyond measure by having the honor of being her mother.  I will never be able to express the love and joy she has brought me.  My cup truly runneth over!

My attempt at valentine pancakes!

a year of pure blossom!

Special gifts for my miracle daughter!

 I was so excited for her to open her gifts!  I found a vintage Indian dress and vintage purse from India with peacocks woven in silk on both sides.  Someone asked her what she was going to be when she grew up and she immediately said, "I'm going to be a doctor."  Hmmmm I thought.  So I asked her what she WANTED to do when she got older and with unbridled enthusiasm, she joyfully declared, "I want to be fashion style!"  I thought, yep, that's more like it!

I love that you can see the snowflakes in her hair!  

Peacock purse!

Vintage dress!!

My Indian Princess!

I took her to a South Indian restaurant where we ate dosas and idli.  She hasn't had those delectables since we left India.  I was thrilled to find a south Indian restaurant!  She danced into the restaurant and danced all around.  I think she truly felt like she was a princess!!   

My daughter, myself- she loves the camera as much as I do!

The two servers who waited on us were extremely friendly and accommodating.  The funny thing is that the woman speaks Gujurati (what Baby R speaks) and the man spoke Telugu!  He started speaking Telugu to Munni and she was so surprised!  It was funny to see her get all shy.  She did manage to sing her "Meow Meow Pili" song to him about a kitty cat who drinks milk and gets it on her whiskers.  The server laughed and said he remembered that song from his childhood.

Mommy + Munni = Forever Family:)

There was a clipper storm that came through and the roads were horrible.  It didn't stop us though from getting out and celebrating our ONE YEAR anniversary!!  Munni Bird is my forever valentine and for that I am forever grateful :)

Today I came home to a FedEx package on my doorstep…. Inside were Baby R's official referral papers!!!!!!!!!  God has been so amazingly faithful to me throughout Munni's adoption and now through R's adoption.  He continues to blow me away.  I can't wait until the day I can post her picture so you can see what a beautiful, sweet baby is waiting to come home to her mommy and big sissy :)

Prayers for Next Week Please!

I found out yesterday that next week, God willing, there should be some movement in R's case.  Please pray that the most efficient hands are at work.  I've been praying specifically that everything would be wrapped up and ALL of my documents (some of them are there already) will make it to Ind*a in the next 3 weeks.  There is a reason for this on the Ind*an side but I can't share yet.  Please, please pray for this to happen!

In regards to Munni's passport issues, I received some documents yesterday that *should* be what the DOS needs to go ahead and issue it despite me not having her original Ind*an birth certificate.  I am going to mail everything to the Department of State so that they receive everything on Monday.  Again, please pray this will be sufficient because it's the only solution we could find.

Hopefully, I will be posting soon that God moved mountains!!

Mumble Jumble

Hey.
This past month or so I've been learning and reflecting and trying to process a bunch of stuff.  It's left me in a state of feeling uncomfortable.  I've realized how much I've been holding back on celebrating R's adoption and I've been riddled with Mommy guilt because of it.  Last fall was such a stressful time for me between fundraising for R's adoption and trying to navigate all of Munni's health care issues.  I'm pretty sure I cried every day of September and October.  Having that as my main focus was a huge distraction from R's adoption.  Then in December, we pretty much wrapped up Munni's medical stuff for now and we went straight into the Christmas season.  That's like the Super Bowl of distraction :)  On top of that, some of my very best adoptive mamas had STILL been waiting on news of clearance for their process.  When you go through adoption, the support you receive from other adoptive parents is like nothing else- seriously, we circle the wagons for each other.  My heart ached for these beautiful friends of mine and honestly,  it was hard to rejoice in R's adoption because I was feeling so frustrated about the lack of movement in their cases.  I know they would never want me to feel that way but honestly?  If I were in their shoes, I would have a very hard time trying to be encouraging to someone who was on their second adoption when my first hasn't been completed and I still didn't have an assurance from the sending country's government.

Thankfully, God has been seriously moving mountains this last month in Ind*a.  It seemed like everyday I was on a forum, there were MULTIPLE posts of clearance after clearance and FINALLY mamas posting about their travel plans.  In addition, my closest friends received the news they had been waiting for!  I was seriously overjoyed for these families! Watching their process and praying with and for them and to arrive at the point where it's green lights from here on out is something to shout from the mountain tops!

During that time of major movement, I had a sneaky suspicion that something was up with R's immigration.  Turns out I was right.  The USCIS sent me an RFE (Request For Evidence).  I can't go into details but it is honestly so frustrating because the complaint is extremely petty.  I was on the phone with my officer and I honestly didn't understand what the problem was.  He tried to explain it to me 3 times and I finally acted like I "got it."  I called my caseworker and she didn't get it either.  Anyway, it's going to be fixed but it is delaying her case by at least 3 weeks.  Please pray that it will move quickly and that everyone who has to do something, will do it efficiently.  Unfortunately, there is nothing that I can do but pray.  It's all in everyone else's hands.

In another turn of exciting events, not, I heard back from the Department of State that they won't issue Munni's US passport without her Ind*an birth certificate.  Yup.  Whoever stole my bag in Dallas Ft. Worth airport, I SERIOUSLY pray that doing that helped you because all it's done for me is cause major headache and serious heartbreak.  Thankfully, another adoptive mama (See!  I told you we have each other's back!) told me that she had a similar problem and that I should contact my senator because she did that and they got it straightened out real quick.  I contacted him last Sunday and received an email on Friday.  I have to submit some paperwork to them so please pray that it will all get sorted out and that they will issue her passport.

We've had the snowiest winter that I can remember which means we've had lots of days home from school.  I have loved every single one of them.  I know some parents are going crazy because their kids were bouncing off the walls, but I've loved it because normally I feel so stressed during the week that by time the weekend comes, I'm not the fun mom I want to be :(  Plus I only have 1 child and I know that makes a huge difference!  We've enjoyed sleeping in and lounging in our PJs.  We've watched fun movies and played lots of games.  Munni had her first sledding experience with my awesome neighbors.  We also celebrated today which is Simon's Gotcha day :)  Munni and I both LOVE him so much and he has been instrumental in her bonding and healing.

I'm still processing all I've been learning and hope to write about it soon.  In the meantime, here are some pics from our snowy January!

Norman Rockwell :)  I got the "closed" call after I got out of the shower, so I went and snapped a few pics of the beautiful snow!

My Rollie Poly!  He's such a sweet boy

My princess!

My handsome boy!

a rare appearance by Lululu

Are you done yet?

Sleeping Beauty

Best friends and Best Snuggy buddies!

True Love.