Friday, November 1, 2013

8 months Home and Deep Thoughts From Munni

Last year if you would have asked me what 8 months home looked like, I wouldn't have expected to be  dealing with so many medical issues.  Quite frankly, all of Munni's medical issues took me by surprise because according to her paperwork, she was healthy.  All of the red flags on her case were considered emotional, not medical in nature.  One positive step forward is that we did celebrate the end of her TB medicine mid-October!!!  That was HUGE!  I would tease her a couple of days afterwards and randomly say, "Hey Munni, did you take your medicine? oh wait- you don't have to take your medicine anymore!!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!!" and she would giggle and laugh every time :)

But, now being home and in a safe environment has led to some other issues.  The neurologist isn't sure what is going on with her and gave me quite a list of all the possibilities.  Sweet.  She has an EEG scheduled for this Tuesday.  I would appreciate any prayers if you happen to think about it.  Also, they are going to do an MRI on her as well.  She has already been under 3 times this year and has another surgery scheduled for early December.  They are trying to coordinate so that they can do the surgery and the MRI on the same day so that she won't have to be put under for a 5th time.  Please pray that the scheduling people can work this out.  Her original date was Friday, December the 6th.  This is Munni's first Christmas celebration and obviously, I want it to be a special one.  I was hoping that we could have the surgery far enough away from Christmas so that she would be healed and not in pain during the Christmas break.

When we went to the consultation with the neurologist, Munni's behavior during the visit was an F-.  I told the doctor that she is one smart cookie and is aware of what is going on.  Thankfully, he is a compassionate and kind doctor and also very tolerant of recently-adopted-scared-out-of-her-mind-so-I'm-going-to-act-as-crazy-as-possible- children.

That night she started to ask me all kinds of questions about dying.  She asked me if Simon was going to die.  I told her yes, one day he will die.  She asked me what day.  I told her I didn't know. Nobody knows.  She told me that when Simon dies he won't be in the bed with us anymore and that will be really sad.  I told her it will be very sad.  Then she hits me with this doozy:

"Mommy, who will die first, you or me?"

I wasn't really prepared for this conversation with her, but I've always been honest so I told her, "Since mommy is a lot older than you, I will probably die first but not for a really long time; not until you are older."
She started to cry and what she said next, made me cry.
She told me, "How will I get to heaven if you aren't here to take me?  I will get lost on the way because I don't know how to get there."
I'm thinking to myself that I cannot believe the depth of this child's heart.  I hugged her and told her that Jesus would take her and when she got there I would be waiting there for her and so would Simon with his wiggling butt, all excited, jumping around so happy to see her!  She wasn't quite convinced.  So I told her, "Remember how when we first got back from India and you had never been to Papa's house?  I took you there in our car.  You didn't know the way, you just sat in the back and got to watch the trees and everything go by as I drove you to her house.  Now you know the way because we've been there so many times and you tell me to turn right and to turn left, but in the beginning, you didn't.  You just trusted me that when I told you we were going to Papa's house, that when we got in the car we would indeed arrive at Papa's house.  You have to trust me on this Munni.  Jesus will come and meet you and take you to heaven.  You will not get lost."  Then we talked about some encounters that she remembers about Jesus from Hyderabad.  It was a very philosophical evening for a seven year old :)  

The next evening, the questions continued.  This time, they were focused on our "new bodies" we would receive in heaven.  She told me, "Mommy, me thinking all day.  When I get new body, no more marks? (that's what she calls her scars) oh man she knows how to pull my heart strings.  
I started crying and I told her, "Yes baby, no more marks." And then again she pulls out a doozy, 

"And I will be white like you?"  

I told her no and she got upset and said she wanted to be white like me and I said that I wanted to be brown like her :)  And then I told her that all of us will be the most beautiful versions of ourselves and color won't matter.  I have to admit though, that it was a positive sign for me that she has attached so much that she wants to assimilate to me.  When she first came home she told me, "Mommy skin no pretty."  I thought is was hilarious at the time (and still do!)  Obviously I don't want Munni to want to be white, I'm just thankful for the attachment aspect of that statement.

Today when I picked her up from school, she got in the car and I told her I loved her.  I asked her if she knew what that meant.  She put her hands over her heart and shook her head yes and smiled.  Then I asked her, "How much do you think mommy loves you?"  She started laughing and stretched both her arms out wide and said, "THIS MUCH!" and I told her, "Nope, you're wrong."  She looked confused for minute and then I smiled at her and told her, "More. SO. MUCH. MORE!"

I made this dress!







 And this is what the end of a photo shoot looks like....
a tired, hungry, little girl with a mommy who won't stop photographing her :)

The blog makeover and the dress were my two creative outlets with all the stress and chaos going on this fall.  I was stoked that I figured out that blog thing since I don't have the money to pay someone to do it!  Plus, I'm not technologically *gifted* I always figure out some weird way that is probably the longest way possible but whatever, I love the new look!  My mom was also a big help with the dress because I forgot a lot from my 8th grade home-ec class.  Sewing takes some serious math skills!  I only had to rip out once so that's cool.  My next project is an advent calendar.  My mom and dad did an amazing job of establishing some cherished Christmas traditions in our family.  I can't wait to start those  with Munni Bird!
Hopefully the surgery/MRI/EEG results will be nothing to worry about and we can move forward and start the new year fresh.
Thank you for all your support and prayers- they mean more than I will ever be able to express in words!

4 comments:

  1. Love, love, love the new blog and layout. Like you technology is not one of my strengths and I would have a huge struggle. You did an amazing job! Munni looks fabulous and quite grown-up. She is absolutely thriving with your love, patience and TLC. Wow, those questions and conversations you had are big ones! Her English is really good. I hope all goes well with the doctors' appointments, scans and tests. I remember she had the eye surgery but two more on top of that is a lot. Glad to hear she will be asleep for the MRI. They aren't pleasant and are scary even to adults. Trust me on this one! Please keep us posted, as you are willing, on Munni's health. Love the dress and photos. You have MANY talents and strengths and I think often underestimate yourself. Your photography skills are fantastic!

    ReplyDelete
  2. That dress is so stinking beautiful. And I will definitely be praying for Munni's surgery. I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Beautiful Muni, beautiful thoughts, beautiful Mommy, beautiful new blog. Love you, Kristen!

    ReplyDelete