I'm burned out. I forget what it's like to relax. You always hear people talking about how hard adoption is and how challenging it is. Just when I think I've conquered another plateau, there's a new hill to climb. I've been working two jobs for 6 years now but since I started the adoption journey, I really amped up the hours at the second job. Last summer, I worked my butt off and then went right back into the school year. For those of us who teach, you know what a precious but necessary commodity the summer break is. I could not be a teacher if we went to a year-round schedule. Teaching is a mentally exhausting job. My serving job is physically exhausting. Combine the two and I've got double trouble. Add into the mix the fact that I didn't take a break at all last summer and that lands me smack in burnoutville. All of the waiting and wondering takes its' toll and I just want to get to a place of calm.
I haven't heard anything about where my file is in Ind*a and I'm still number 10 on the Congo list. In addition, there have been some circumstances (I am not at liberty to discuss them) that recently happened that have put my worry-mode in overdrive.
I recently read this verse:
"The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." - Exodus 14:14
Easier said than done. When I read about the Israelites, I find myself thinking what little faith they had - I mean, they see God guide them by fire, He rains down meat and bread from heaven, parts the red sea- and after each provision when the next hurdle comes, they grumble, complain, and wonder if He will save them. But here I am doing the exact same thing. It's really annoying to listen to people grumble and complain, especially when the Lord has provided for them!! He has provided for me SO MUCH in this journey but each time a new hurdle (money, silence, unexpected circumstances), it's as if I have amnesia. I'm so sick of myself!!!! In hopes of restoring my mental sanity, I decided to get myself a birthday present since my birthday is Saturday. So, I took the ENTIRE weekend OFF! Yep, I will have Friday night, all day Saturday and all day Sunday to just be lazy!!! It's been almost 2 years since I've had an entire weekend off so this really is a huge gift! I wrestled with feeling guilty about the money I wouldn't earn to put towards the adoptions but in the end, I realized that my mental sanity is worth it!
Maybe next week will bring news, maybe it won't. For now, I'm looking forward to this weekend when I can be a total and complete slacker. Happy Birthday to me!!!