So, today I got home and what was waiting for me in the mail? I'm sure I'm in the minority of people who get excited to see a letter from the Homeland Security! Finally- the appointment for immigration to get my fingerprints done!! Yahoo! I've been waiting and praying for this! Almost there! YES! the second to last step! Once I get my fingerprints, all I have to wait for is the I-171h form, clearance to adopt an orphan and grant her USA citizenship! I tore into the envelope and scanned through the document....wait a minute. wait... a... minute. JUNE 23rd???My dossier is supposed to be sent out the 3rd week of June! This is not good, not good at all, um, I feel like I just got punched in the stomach. O.k., breathe, Kristen, just breathe. mental calculating of dates+ government bureaucracy = FREAKING OUT! don't cry- just don't cry, keep it together - do NOT give in to the emotions! Call La Vida. They need to know the date of the appt.
LV - "Thank you for calling La Vida"
Me - "Hi- this is Kristen. Can I talk to L?
LV- "Hi Kristen!
Me- "I got my appt. today in the mail
LV - "Yeah!!! (cut short by me)"
Me - "It's on the 23rd! I'm trying not to freak out!
LV - "Can I put you on hold while I talk to our USCIS person?"
several minute hold
LV - "Kristen? I want to prepare you, but we can't do much on the end of moving up the fingerprinting date. Once you do get your fingerprints, we can try to get them to process it faster... Just try and relax. We can hold your dossier until 7/10 even though we would feel really good about sending it out by the 1st of July."
Me - "um, ok. I will be praying hard core for this to happen!"
Hang up the phone. What do I do, what do I do. The cut off for 2010 adoptions in Nepal is July 15th. If my dossier doesn't make it there by then, I have to wait until April of 2011 to submit it.
O.k. so, I did what I always do when I start to freak out about all of my little "what if" scenarios that run through my head. I got my journal and went back through and read how God has not only been there every step of the way, but has answered every single prayer I've had about this adoption. Reading through my journal reminded me that God has his hands all over this. A verse He recently spoke to me through is Hebrews 3:4
"Every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything."
I know that God is the one who is building my family. What I know even more is that this whole adoption is not about me and what I can do, it's about God and what He can do. It's about His plan for baby Sofía's life, it's about his mighty power to get her here, it's about his love that's changing people's hearts and minds and thoughts about race and ethnicity and transracial adoptions, it's about his love for orphans and providing for them, it's about a girl learning that God is faithful, that he does follow through, that his promises will be fulfilled, it's about the fact that He knows exactly where Sofía is and that his timing is perfect, it's about God supplying all my needs and getting it done. In the very beginning of the process, I had some moments of weakness and doubt. I really couldn't believe that God would work it out to allow me to be a part of this little baby's life- that He would entrust her to me. So, during a prayer when I was really questioning and asking him, "are you sure God? me?" He answered me with this verse:
"God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his spirit deeply and gently within us." - Ephesians 3:20
So, I'm clinging to this verse- understanding that God is working in all of the hearts of all the people who are involved in this adoption some way or another. He's moving people into the right places at the right times so they can play their role in this process.
My freaking out has subsided and I feel really good. God doesn't lie when he promises to give us a peace that transcends all understanding. I have huge peace in my heart. I'm actually excited, excited to see how he pulls this one off! Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be God. Probably 99% of the time, I would hate it. but, the times when He gets to do things like this, pull off crazy little miracles, come through, provide and encourage....that's gotta be fun!
Any prayers for this situation, for Sofía, for me:) would be more than welcome! I truly believe that one day we will be able to see the spiritual side of things. It's gonna be really cool to see how all of our prayers have changed situations, governments, hearts, and lives.
Thanks so much for all of the support and encouragement everyone has given me. It really, really helps.