The Tortoise not the Hare

I just heard from my agency who just heard from AP (Andhra Pradesh) that they would like them to RESUBMIT all of the homestudies for the waiting children they are trying to match.  There are 3 other families with my agency who are in the same situation as me.  It's been over 2 months since I requested the official match paperwork and permission from India to adopt Sofia.  *Sigh*  On the bright side, I'm hoping that this is a sign that they are getting things in order for all of the new guidelines that are supposed to be implemented at the end of the month.  My agency is submitting the homestudies tomorrow.  Please pray that AP will accept and MATCH ALL 4 of these sweet girls with their waiting families!  I am trying to stay positive and believe that I didn't spend the last 2 and half months waiting to just start back at square one.

Random Acts of Kindness

So there's this couple that have been coming into the restaurant for about a year and a half.  I waited on them the first time they came in.  They are strict vegetarians and it took awhile to figure out if they could eat any of our cheese or not because we had to do some research to see if it contained a certain enzyme.  Well, they were very appreciative of the customer service, because where I work we "take it to the next level :)"  Anyway, since then, every time they come in and I'm working, they are always very friendly to me and we talk.  They both have accents and I don't make it a habit to ask where people are from but last night when I was working, they came in and I noticed that she had henna tattoos all over her hands.  I know that India just celebrated it's independence day and Ramadan just ended, so I asked her if she was from India.  Lo and behold, yes, they are from India.  Here's where it gets C-R-A-Z-Y.

me:  So what part of India are you from?

her:  Hyderabad.

me:  get out!  that's in Andhra Pradresh, right?

her :  Yes! (with a look of, "how does this chick know this?")

me:  I'm adopting a little girl from Hyderabad!

him:  Oh!  we can help you!

me:  PLEASE DO!!  How?

him:  her dad is a lawyer over there!  It helps to have a lawyer over there if you get stuck.  Do you have to go and get her?

me:  yes, and I just found out that I will probably have to stay there for a month while everything gets processed.

him:  Oh, you must stay in her father's guest house.  When do you think you will be going?  She is planning on going in November or December.  Wouldn't that be fantastic if you two could fly over together?

me:  Yes, yes it would.

We exchanged emails and phone numbers and now I have a new Indian friend who is going to help me with some of the language that Sofia speaks and she told me that she would tat me up before I go! SCORE!  I am SO excited!!!  It reminded me of the verse in Hebrews 13:2

"Don't forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!"

I know these people aren't angels, but it's a reminder to always be kind!

Jammin' in my PUNJAMMIES

There are days when I stop and wonder what the F*@# is wrong with people.  I apologize for the crass opening of this post but I just got finished reading an article about Raiding a Brothel in India.  Amongst the girls they rescued was a 5 year old.  5. years. old.  That's Sofia's age.  It made me want to vomit.  I am torn between wanting to put my head in the sand because it stresses me out so much and wanting to do SOMETHING.
  It is estimated that one million children will be forced into prostitution this year.  In India, there are over 2 million women and children working as prostitutes (1).  Every day, about 200 girls and women enter prostitution, 80% of them against their will (2).
  It's a vicious cycle of poverty, caste system, disease and illiteracy.  A child of a prostitute is not allowed by law to enter the public school system.  It's basically a done deal; a fate sealed for life.
  There are at least 80 organizations working to rescue and provide healing and after care for these women and children.  Successful transition back into society and keeping them from re-victimization is dependent upon these women and children learning a sustainable skill that provides a viable lifestyle.
  Enter PUNJAMMIES by International Princess Project.  These pajamas are awesome!  Not only do they look amazing, but they are super comfy.  The tops are 100% organic cotton.  And the best part?  Every PUNJAMMIE purchase creates
A fair trade wage
Deposit into a savings account
Financial support for holistic care
Capacity building for more women to enter the after-care center
HOPE to a woman who once was voiceless

Get your PUNJAMMIES on!!!  I got mine!



(1) BBC Report on Number of Sex Workers in India
(2) Dr KK Mukherjee NGO report on prostitution

Patti LaBelle is my new BFF

You know how you get a song stuck in your head? and it's usually one that has a really bad hook to it?  Well here's a throwback to Patti LaBelle's classic from the 80's "I Got a New Attitude."  Well, I got one and a new blog design to go with it!

What it is about our human misery that is seems like we try to one up each other in this category as well?  I've been around so many women who, when the conversation turns to pregnancy or childbirth, I always felt badly for the one who had an 'easy' pregnancy or quick labor with no drama because the other moms jumped all over her about how lucky she was then proceeded to list off all the things that went wrong with their situation.  It's like it becomes a bidding war on who's experience was worse so they can win the pats on the back.

I realized that there's a subtle undercurrent of this same sensationalism and competition in the adoption world and I was quickly becoming a part of it.  I've been following people's blogs who are adopting from the same countries as I am.  I caught myself rolling my eyes when one hopeful adoptive mom was lamenting about how long she has had to wait (less than a year) to go and pick up her babies that she received a referral for 6 weeks after she submitted paperwork.  It's a slippery, slippery slope to Bitterness Boulevard!  I caught myself and thought, "You are such a B*tch!"  I found myself having an internal dialogue listing off all the things that have gone wrong or not according to MY plan in this adoption journey, and how long I've been waiting, and how much money I've spent and lost, and blah, blah, blah...I am no different from the women who complained about their horrible pregnancies and birth stories.  I should not begrudge anyone their journey.  It is their journey. AND, I was her!  I remember being fresh on the adoption journey and you want that baby here, NOW. So, I get it- I just forgot it.  I needed a slap upside the head.

I still haven't received the match paperwork back from India. But I'm not bitter :)  I asked my agency about the families who just completed their adoptions from the same area of India how it worked for them.  She told me, and I quote, "it took a LONG time for them to get their match paperwork."  Score.  Too bad I have a new attitude because I could add that to my arsenal to win my award for the most complicated adoption ever!  Tomorrow there is supposed to be a webinar where we receive enlightenment on the process- more info on time frames, etc.  I think it's most fortunate for me that I will be teaching class at that time and will instead receive it via email in powerpoint format.  Part of my attitude adjustment is that I'm not bankin' on any of this time frame stuff.  From here on out, I'm day to day.

So in honor of my new attitude I will leave you with this amazing video- I don't think you will find a finer music video out there!

Shouting from the rooftops!

I (KINDA) HAVE A DAUGHTER!!!!!!! 

I have been dying to post this since the end of June but with how everything went down with Nepal, I guess I was a little apprehensive and wanted to wait until I had some official paperwork back from India. I kept waiting and waiting and praying and praying.  And then I realized that in my quest to be "safe" I was also lacking faith.  Adoption is HARD.  Wow is it hard.  Looking back, I see that I got a lot of my strength to get through the really rough parts from all of the prayers and support of others.  SO I am asking if you would please read the rest of this post and PLEASE PRAY that it will all work out the way it's supposed to :)  O.K., so here's how it all went down:

God sure works in CRAZY ways and I still can't believe how everything came together.  Back in 2009 when I started my country search, I originally looked into India.  I wrote it off because for a single, non-Indian you had to be open to older children or special needs and long wait times.  Jokes on me!!  Funny thing is that 3 months ago when I felt like God was leading me to India and special needs, it was a total and complete surrender of my dream. I submitted to the fact that it would be at least 18-24 months and the original "idea" (baby, nepalese) of how I thought she would be was gone.  I was even to the point of wondering if it was in His plan for me to have a daughter.   I went back through my journal to when I first started out on this journey and all of my prayers went something along the lines of, "please let her be as young as possible...."  "Please let her be free of any emotional trauma..."  "Protect her from this and that..." I was so myopic in my quest for a daughter that I would have missed out on the most beautiful, precious little girl!  I can see now that God used Nepal and the suspension to change my heart- to OPEN it to HIS will for my life.  I can honestly say that I am SO THANKFUL that I went through what seemed like a torturous hell in order to come out on this side of it.  It's unbelievable to me that only a  week after I withdrew from the Nepal program, I found my little girl.  It's almost as if  God was waiting for me to get to the point where I was open to whoever He had in store for me and BAM!  Here she is!! I had to come full circle.  Now, I can't imagine anyone else being my daughter!  She has completely grabbed ahold of my heart - I cannot wait to finally meet her!  I am so completely in love with her and I can't look at her picture enough!

If you have seen the movie Slumdog Millionaire, then I'm pretty sure that you are aware of how horrible the conditions are for orphans in India and probably learned about the amount of neglect and abuse that they live through on a daily basis.  I'm not going to go into details, but I'm thankful for the orphanages there.  They provide a much needed refuge for many of those children.  Sofía was found when she was 2-3ish years old in 2009 (coincidentally, right around the time I started my country search).  She has some scarring that occurred sometime during her first short 2-3 years.  She is considered special needs because she is not a baby/toddler and has the scarring.  Cognitively and physically she has met all of her milestones.  I think she is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen.  The first picture I got of her, there was something in her eyes that I just felt like - here's a little fighter.  She's got determination.  She has had a rough start and now all I want to do is get on that plane and bring her home!!!!  This child has so much love coming her way and I am so BLESSED that I get to be her mommy!

So now I am waiting to get the official match paperwork back from India.  This is what I have been waiting for over a month.  I need this in order to move forward with her adoption.  THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT PIECE OF PAPER!!!!  Once I have that, I have to get my homestudy switched to India and the immigration paperwork filed.  One big drawback in all of this is that none of the money I spent on Nepal can transfer and neither can the immigration.  But, I am confident that God will provide!  I have been picking up mad shifts at the restaurant and I've already found a couple of grants online for waiting/special needs children that I'm going to look into and see if I/ she qualifies.  I'm really, really praying that she will be home by Christmas.  This would be miraculous since she happens to be in a part of India that moves especially slow with their international adoptions.  Go figure, right?  However, I KNOW that God has provided in the past so I'm praying for that CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

 I have to give a special shout out to the Dew Crew because they have been SUPER supportive and were so excited for me and gushed over her picture, shed tears with me, and made me feel like one proud mama!  I wish I could post it, but legally I am not allowed until she is legally mine.  As soon as this little lovebug is home, you will be inundated with pics of her beautiful face!  My agency also sent me a 35 second video of her.  I can't even put into words the emotions that video brought to the surface.  It was such a precious gift but at the same time my heart aches for her even more.  I am in continual prayer that her adoption will seriously be the quickest Indian adoption EVER.

I do have a couple of prayer requests please:))-

1) that I would receive the official match paperwork from India ASAP!!!  I need this to move forward!!

2) Um - for the fastest adoption EVER!  Seriously, this comes from concern.  She has had a rough start and I want to get her into her family environment ASAP to start the emotional healing.  The healing that comes from a family is miraculous.  It has been documented many, many times!  I want Sofía to  experience her childhood the way every child should-IN A FAMILY!!!.

3) Moolah- cheese, cheddar, paper, dough, flow, cashola whatever you want to call it, I need it to bring her home.  I've been looking into some grants for waiting/special needs but haven't been able to apply to any yet because I am waiting to hear back from India that they officially accept me.  Please pray that something will come of these!  And also, that the funds will become available however God chooses to provide.  I know that adoption and caring for orphans is in line with His will, so I know He will bless this:)

4) Patience for me while I wait.  It's about a gazillion times harder to be here waiting when I know her past, can look at her face every day, watch her video (over and over:))), know that she has no idea that there's a mommy waiting for her halfway across the world, and have to trust that all of my paperwork is being handled by strangers, and all I want to do is put my arms around her and hold her.   This is really hard for me to trust that God will bring us together in his perfect time.  I have also been praying that God would put hope in her little heart.  She won't know about me until almost the very end.  Obviously, this is done out of protection for the children in the event that something crazy happens and an adoption can't be completed.

I would really appreciate it if you would be praying these things for her/me/us!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone who has supported me on this journey!  I can't wait until you get to meet this special little one in person :)

xoxo,
kgrae

Sofía

This is a baby Crissy doll.  A black baby Crissy doll from 1973.  I got this for a Christmas present.  My grandma was not pleased and went right out and bought a white baby Crissy doll.  I did not like the white baby Crissy doll.  I only wanted to play with the black baby Crissy doll.  In fact, whenever I played dolls with my friend Jen, I made her be the mommy of the white baby Crissy doll because the black baby Crissy doll was MY baby!  I don't know if this is when the seed was planted or if this baby doll is the reason, but I have always pictured my daughter to be similar to this doll.  I know it sounds crazy, but then here I am 38 years later from playing with that doll, finding myself on a adoption journey towards a daughter who will probably look somewhat like that baby doll.

When I look back over the last 2 years, I can't believe how much has happened and at the same time, how much hasn't happened.  Physically, you can say that nothing has happened because I don't have a daughter home.  Emotionally and spiritually, I can say a million and one things have happened.  I am not the same person.  Man, have I been s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d! Too  bad I don't do yoga.  Maybe it wouldn't have been so painful! Seriously, I am getting to a point where I can honestly say I am thankful for Nepal. Really.  My faith and relationship with Christ has grown in ways I didn't think possible.  I have seen miracles.  I have shared some and kept some private.  I have written them down for the babies so that they can one day, if they choose, share them as part of their story.  It is their story anyway.  I have been broken down and I have been lifted up.  My perspective and ideas about things have been changed.  I realize that I've been really stupid about a lot of things.  Maybe ignorant is a better word.  But it's all good because I'm learning and continue to learn.

So, ever since my watershed moment I've been praying about what God wants me to do about Sofía.  I was really, really sad about Nepal and part of me was questioning if I was lacking faith by withdrawing- should I keep my paperwork in the program?  I had a very long talk with my agency.  I appreciated her honesty and she said to me essentially that doors close for a reason and that my daughter is not in Nepal.  That she has been in the business for over 20 years and she has seen time and again whether a birth parent changes her mind at the last minute, a country closes, parents don't accept the first referral but that when they finally get their child, they all say, "THIS child was meant for us- they are PERFECT for our family."  It kinda made me feel better.  Kinda.  But I was still wrestling with it.  She did tell me that Nepal was extremely offended by the U.S. which, duh, anyone could have figured that out by their statement, and she thought that even if the U.S. lifted the suspension she didn't think Nepal would oblige the U.S. and allow intercountry adoptions.  

At this point I would like to say that I give Nepal a lot of credit.  It took the U.S. 14 YEARS to become fully Hague compliant.  The U.S. is a first world country.  Nepal is a 3rd world country and they have been working on becoming Hague compliant since 2007.  When Cambodia, Guatemala and Vietnam closed several years ago, there were many pipeline families with referrals for their children who STILL DON'T HAVE THEIR CHILDREN!  Nepal worked VERY hard to make sure that EVERY single child was able to go home with their parents.  They supplied everything they were asked of and cooperated with the U.S. government every step of the way.

I told her that I needed to think about it still because I didn't have peace about it yet.  Well, later that afternoon is when I got the phone call about Joaquín's grant.  I talked with Becky for a long time.  One of the things I told her was that I was so sad about Nepal, this was much needed good news.  The first thing she said to me was, "Kristen- your daughter is not in Nepal."  It was so weird that she said the exact same thing my caseworker said on the same day.  I got that buzzing feeling like God was giving me confirmation.  We talked for awhile and I'm so thankful for her!  What she had done with Help Us Adopt is incredible.  Her story is amazing and she continues to change peoples' lives. I am SO THANKFUL that I received that grant and that we are now part of the HUA family!  After I hung up with her, I sat in my garden and just prayed.  I prayed until I felt peace.

The next day, I called my agency and I officially withdrew from the Nepal program.  I can't begin to explain the emotions you have - it's weird because for the last year and a half I've been so connected to this country.  But, I know that God has a plan.

Funny how God works.  Seeing now the direction I'm heading, I can see how he was lining things up.  One of the positives of the Nepal process is that the homestudy I had to do was Hague compliant - the reason for all the crazy hoops I had to jump through.  The country I am pursuing is a country that I was originally interested in and fully Hague compliant, but the wait times were longer and the old me was discouraged and impatient.  God has since been working on me in that department :)  Also, it's tricky for singles to adopt. 

 Late last fall, I was on the rainbowkids website and reading about special needs/waiting kids.  Something in my heart fluttered.  I thought, "hmm. Once the babies are home and settled, God- I would be open to a 3rd if it's your will."  I thought a lot about that verse in Matthew 25:40 - "Truly I tell you, Whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for me."  I know that everyone wants their child to be healthy, beautiful, smart, and the best they can possibly be.  I get it- that's totally natural and I had and have that desire.  But there's also a longing for the children who are left behind because they aren't "perfect."  So I'm starting to question, who defines "perfect?"  Then, there's a blog I follow, http://weloveourlucy.blogspot.com/

(which is how I got hooked up with Ordinary Hero fundraising!!) and their journey of adopting a waiting/special needs baby, and the pieces just started to all fall into place.  I was talking to my mom about it and when I actually said it out loud, this wave of peace washed over me.  It was crazy!  I researched a ton of agencies and talked to them.  I found one agency that I connected with immediately.  I spent about 2 hours talking on the phone asking all kinds of questions, told them all about Nepal, everything that is going on with the Congo, asked about a zillion and one questions and he patiently answered them all!  So here's the deal:

-My homestudy is in India being reviewed by the Indian officials to see if they will allow me to adopt a special needs baby girl.  Adoption by singles is case-by-case basis.

-The process is lengthy, about 18-24 months or so.  I have total peace about this.  

-As I was praying about this whole situation, God gave me this verse:  "According to your faith, let it be done to you." - Matthew 9:29  I am at a place where I am completely open to God's plan.  If it's his will for her to come home from India, then I know that all things will work out accordingly.  I don't have any sense of anxiousness or worry or stress.  And I don't have any money!  All the money I spent on Nepal is gone so I'm starting from square one.  But I know that God will provide.  He has shown me that.  That's what is even stranger to me because you would think that it would stress me out even more but I just have peace.  I don't know, I'm just trusting him that he will bring everything to pass.

The great thing is that the agency that I've been working with for India has done everything for free!  Crazy, right?  He did tell me that in India they have no sense of urgency.  I laughed when he told me that.  I have no idea when I will hear back from them but I don't expect it to be soon.  In the meantime, I will pray.  Pray for God's will, that he will lead me to Sofía wherever she may be, in his timing and that I will continue to have peace and patience while I wait.

I can't begin to express how much your support and love has meant to me throughout this journey.  Seriously.  

Much love,

Kristen

I am 50!

Today I got the second best phone call next to a referral!  The lovely ladies at Help Us Adopt called to inform me that they approved my grant!!!!  WOO HOO!!!  You see, this is the only organization I could find that doesn't discriminate against singles.  I talked with the founder for quite some time, after regaining my composure, and she told me that I am the 50th family that they have been able to help unite with a child since starting the organization 4 years ago.  They have granted $380,000 to these families to help bring these babies home.  I told her that she must love her job every day of the year!!!  Her story and how she started this foundation is pretty incredible.  You can check it out here.  I am BEYOND thrilled!!!  As you know, I have been pretty down in the dumps.  Let's just say this was a ray of much needed sunshine!  With this grant, the money I've been making at my second job, and the donations I've received I am now only about $1600 away from having all of Joaquin's country fee!  I can't believe it!  That means the rest of the summer I will be saving for airfare, medical evaluations, embassy fees and little things here and there!  I still don't think it has totally sunk in.  I think that I will have very sweet dreams tonight:)


Sofía


I am planning on posting about her adoption soon.  There have been some things happening, not in Nepal, just happening in my life that I know God is leading me to my daughter. I am still processing the loss of Nepal.  I want to thank everyone who has sent me emails, letters and notes of encouragement, ideas, and support.  You have no idea how much I've relied on them.  The positive in all of this is that God is speaking to me and he has been faithful to me- even when it hurts and I don't understand.  I may not ever understand but I'm learning to be o.k. with that.  As I get more information, I will be able to post a more concrete and coherent post about where the direction of her adoption is heading.


Abrazos-
kgrae