Saying Yes to the Scary and the Unknown in International Adoption

*** TRIGGER WARNING****

This is a transparent and possibly uncomfortable post to read.  My views have been formed based on my personal experience and also from families who have shared intimate details of their journey with me.  In addition, my faith is the biggest guiding factor in how I shape my views and make decisions.  After completing four international, "special needs" adoptions, this is where I have landed in regards to accepting a referral.

I arrived at each of my daughters' referrals differently:  1) through a waiting child list  2) a call from my caseworker asking if I was ready to return to the India program  3) waiting the traditional way for THE CALL and 4) by default after losing a child I had prayed for and pursued for close to a year.  Furthermore, each of my daughters arrived at their respective orphanages in different ways and at different ages.  They each have a unique story.   Finally, they came home at various ages:  Almost 7 years old,  3.5 years old,  19 months,  and 4 years old.

If you read my book, then you know when I started on this adoption journey, all I could envision for myself was a healthy baby.  I was naive and selfish.  God used the closure of Nepal to begin the process of gently stripping away my desires and replacing them with his.  A paradigm shift happened and I clearly became aware that international adoption is not about my wants and desires; it's about providing a family and a home for a child that has none.  It seems obvious, but when you are in pursuit of motherhood or building your family or "answering the call" or whatever other reason that led you to adopt, it's easy for your vision to become cloudy and self-centered.

With each successive adoption, my idea of "special needs" has evolved.  What I once thought scary, terrifying, overwhelming, or a definite NO, has been replaced with a deeper understanding of God's grace and provision.

What I said YES to when I signed their referral papers:

Trauma
RAD
Facial anomalies
Severe scarring
Older child
Failure to Thrive
Strong susceptibility for severe behavioral issues
Unilateral leg paralysis
Sickle Cell Anemia
Meningitis

The reality of my YES once they were home and received medical care:

Trauma
Facial anomalies
Severe scarring
Older child
Failure to Thrive
Unilateral leg paralysis - HEALED
Sickle Cell Anemia - Turned out to be trait
Meningitis 
Alpha Thalassemia
Brain damage
Unilateral hearing loss - severe
Active lymph node TB
Active ocular TB
Latent TB
Microcephaly
Cerebral Palsy
Speech Delay
Schistosomiasis
Septopreoptic holoprosencephaly
Toxocara
Giardia
Hepatitis A
Cafe au lait spots
Strabismus
Metabolic disorder
Short stature
Precocious Puberty
Possible Peeling Skin Syndrome 
Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder
Anxiety
Global delay

I may have forgotten a few things because it seems that something new is always being discovered :)   

We've seen ENT, Audiology, PT, OT, SLP, Hematology, Genetics, Endocrinology, Infectious Disease, Neurology, Ophthalmology, DDBP, Urology, Pediatric Gynecology, Developmental Pediatrics, Orthopedics, and a new referral for Pediatric Rehab.  I'm sure I missed a few here as well because... it's a lot of specialists to remember.

I am a single woman.  I started my journey knowing that I would be a single parent.  I don't have someone I can come home to and tap out.  I'm the sole-provider, the sole-decision maker, the sole-comforter, the sole-protector, the sole-weight carrier, the sole-everything.  In addition to all of that,  I also homeschool all of my girls.

I don't say all of these things for any type of recognition, or unsung hero crap.  Because nothing could be further from the truth.  I am a sinner and a broken person.  I am woefully inept.  I question my sanity and decisions daily.  I'm overwhelmed 95% of the time.  I cry in random places.  I cry when someone is nice to me.  I'm an expert worrier.  I worry about our finances.  I wonder if we will ever get out of this season of hard.  Will God keep me in the valley of absolute surrender and trust?  I worry about the health of my girls - there are some scary issues and all of it feels enormous.  I wonder if I'm meeting their needs.  Am I listening enough?  Am I playing enough?  Am I present enough?  Why did I flip out over the hangers on their floor?  Why do dirty dishes in the sink drive me to the brink of rage?  Because I am weak and I can't do it on my own.  No one can.  I need Jesus every single day of my life.  Without him, I can't even begin to imagine how terrible our life would be.

In John 16:33 he says:

"I have told you all this so that you will have peace of heart and mind.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows; but cheer up, for I have overcome the world."

He straight up tells me that life will be hard.  I will have sorrow.  I will have many trials and tribulations.  However, he also tells me to have joy because of what he has done on the cross - he has overcome the world.  He has overcome my problems, my sorrow, my troubles.

He clearly tells me in Matthew 16:24-25:

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone wants to become my follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

This life is not mine.  I was bought with a price - his life.  My purpose here is to be a vessel of God's love, through the unique gifts and talents he has bestowed upon me.  The only way I can do that is through his strength and community.  God's purposes are always eternal and he accomplishes them through relationships because he is a relational God.

The cross was a horrific death, and yet, he tells me to pick up my cross daily.  To surrender my will, my desires, my "self."  And when I do all of those things, I will find true life - life everlasting.  

So when I think about each of my girls and the needs they came home with, both known and unknown, I'm convinced that God used my YES to shift eternity for each of them.

Waiting potential adoptive parents say to me all the time that they want a child with minor needs.  I get it because I was once that person.  However, I want to shake them and tell them that just navigating trauma alone is a severe need.  Every single child who is adopted suffers a primal wound - the loss of birth family, and in the case of international adoption, language and culture too.  A significant part of their identity is missing and for the rest of their life, it will be a permanent question mark.   Everyone wants a quick process and minor needs, but that's not the majority of international adoption processes.

I am in a unique situation and my family is atypical - we are a transracial family, led by a single woman, with four internationally adopted girls.  We are the underdog.  By faith, I stepped into the abyss of the frightening unknown.  I came home with way more than I bargained for; yet, God has never left us.  He continues to provide every single thing we need - from shelter, food, and transportation to medical specialists of every kind.  He provides medicines, therapies, and procedures.  He provides a community of other adoptive parents that just get it.  I don't have to explain anything, they just know and in that knowing, provide comfort and encouragement.

Adoption is not easy.   The genesis is profound loss and therefore, should not be easy.  I learned through saying yes to things that terrified me that God would never forsake me and even more, he would never forsake my daughters.  He is passionate about caring for the orphans and the widows.  I've seen more miracles being on this adoption journey than I would bet most people ever see in their lifetime.  When you say YES to adoption, God is committed to seeing you through it.  I'm not saying he is committed to making it easy, because that would be a bald-faced lie; however, He will never leave.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, will separate me from his love.  No diagnosis, no sadness, no anger, no despair, no moments of distrust, no loneliness nor depression - nothing.  I know this because his word is true.  He promises in Romans 8:28 -

"That neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor ANYTHING ELSE in ALL CREATION, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus." 

Last year, I went through hell and back after losing Sparrow.  It was the darkest, saddest, most faith-shaking season I've ever experienced but through it all, he never left me.  He walked with me through my grief, my anger, my sorrow, my questioning, my depression, my unbelief, and most of all, my fear of ever trusting him again.  He was big enough for all of it.  He peeled back layers and exposed deep wounds still in need of healing.  He gently lanced the cysts filled with the puss of sin and unforgiveness.  He cleansed my spirit and bound up my wounds.  I learned an invaluable truth from that situation:  his grace and love are bigger than I can imagine.  They are all encompassing and readily available to me as I stumble through this life.  Because of this knowledge, I know that whatever unknown comes our way, he will provide everything we need and will walk with us every step of the way - the hard, the scary, the sad.

I can't fathom not having each of my girls home with me.  I can't even comprehend my life without them.  Were their needs beyond anything for which I was prepared?  Absolutely.  Have I been scared out of my mind since getting home?  Without a doubt.  But I would never, ever in a million years trade any of it.  I love my girls with everything that I am.  I'm not a perfect mom, but each and every day I strive to love them with the love of Christ.  We soldier on knowing that he will meet us exactly where we are.  He will never leave us.  And that is what makes saying YES worth everything.

8 months Home and Deep Thoughts From Munni

Last year if you would have asked me what 8 months home looked like, I wouldn't have expected to be  dealing with so many medical issues.  Quite frankly, all of Munni's medical issues took me by surprise because according to her paperwork, she was healthy.  All of the red flags on her case were considered emotional, not medical in nature.  One positive step forward is that we did celebrate the end of her TB medicine mid-October!!!  That was HUGE!  I would tease her a couple of days afterwards and randomly say, "Hey Munni, did you take your medicine? oh wait- you don't have to take your medicine anymore!!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!!" and she would giggle and laugh every time :)

But, now being home and in a safe environment has led to some other issues.  The neurologist isn't sure what is going on with her and gave me quite a list of all the possibilities.  Sweet.  She has an EEG scheduled for this Tuesday.  I would appreciate any prayers if you happen to think about it.  Also, they are going to do an MRI on her as well.  She has already been under 3 times this year and has another surgery scheduled for early December.  They are trying to coordinate so that they can do the surgery and the MRI on the same day so that she won't have to be put under for a 5th time.  Please pray that the scheduling people can work this out.  Her original date was Friday, December the 6th.  This is Munni's first Christmas celebration and obviously, I want it to be a special one.  I was hoping that we could have the surgery far enough away from Christmas so that she would be healed and not in pain during the Christmas break.

When we went to the consultation with the neurologist, Munni's behavior during the visit was an F-.  I told the doctor that she is one smart cookie and is aware of what is going on.  Thankfully, he is a compassionate and kind doctor and also very tolerant of recently-adopted-scared-out-of-her-mind-so-I'm-going-to-act-as-crazy-as-possible- children.

That night she started to ask me all kinds of questions about dying.  She asked me if Simon was going to die.  I told her yes, one day he will die.  She asked me what day.  I told her I didn't know. Nobody knows.  She told me that when Simon dies he won't be in the bed with us anymore and that will be really sad.  I told her it will be very sad.  Then she hits me with this doozy:

"Mommy, who will die first, you or me?"

I wasn't really prepared for this conversation with her, but I've always been honest so I told her, "Since mommy is a lot older than you, I will probably die first but not for a really long time; not until you are older."

She started to cry and what she said next, made me cry.

She told me, "How will I get to heaven if you aren't here to take me?  I will get lost on the way because I don't know how to get there."

I'm thinking to myself that I cannot believe the depth of this child's heart.  I hugged her and told her that Jesus would take her and when she got there I would be waiting there for her and so would Simon with his wiggling butt, all excited, jumping around so happy to see her!  She wasn't quite convinced.  So I told her, "Remember how when we first got back from India and you had never been to Papa's house?  I took you there in our car.  You didn't know the way, you just sat in the back and got to watch the trees and everything go by as I drove you to her house.  Now you know the way because we've been there so many times and you tell me to turn right and to turn left, but in the beginning, you didn't.  You just trusted me that when I told you we were going to Papa's house, that when we got in the car we would indeed arrive at Papa's house.  You have to trust me on this Munni.  Jesus will come and meet you and take you to heaven.  You will not get lost."  Then we talked about some encounters that she remembers about Jesus from Hyderabad.  It was a very philosophical evening for a seven year old :)  

The next evening, the questions continued.  This time, they were focused on our "new bodies" we would receive in heaven.  She told me, "Mommy, me thinking all day.  When I get new body, no more marks? (that's what she calls her scars) oh man she knows how to pull my heart strings.  

I started crying and I told her, "Yes baby, no more marks." And then again she pulls out a doozy, 

"And I will be white like you?"  

I told her no and she got upset and said she wanted to be white like me and I said that I wanted to be brown like her :)  And then I told her that all of us will be the most beautiful versions of ourselves and color won't matter.  I have to admit though, that it was a positive sign for me that she has attached so much that she wants to assimilate to me.  When she first came home she told me, "Mommy skin no pretty."  I thought is was hilarious at the time (and still do!)  Obviously I don't want Munni to want to be white, I'm just thankful for the attachment aspect of that statement.

Today when I picked her up from school, she got in the car and I told her I loved her.  I asked her if she knew what that meant.  She put her hands over her heart and shook her head yes and smiled.  Then I asked her, "How much do you think mommy loves you?"  She started laughing and stretched both her arms out wide and said, "THIS MUCH!" and I told her, "Nope, you're wrong."  She looked confused for minute and then I smiled at her and told her, "More. SO. MUCH. MORE!"

I made this dress!

 And this is what the end of a photo shoot looks like....

a tired, hungry, little girl with a mommy who won't stop photographing her :)

The blog makeover and the dress were my two creative outlets with all the stress and chaos going on this fall.  I was stoked that I figured out that blog thing since I don't have the money to pay someone to do it!  Plus, I'm not technologically *gifted* I always figure out some weird way that is probably the longest way possible but whatever, I love the new look!  My mom was also a big help with the dress because I forgot a lot from my 8th grade home-ec class.  Sewing takes some serious math skills!  I only had to rip out once so that's cool.  My next project is an advent calendar.  My mom and dad did an amazing job of establishing some cherished Christmas traditions in our family.  I can't wait to start those  with Munni Bird!
Hopefully the surgery/MRI/EEG results will be nothing to worry about and we can move forward and start the new year fresh.

Thank you for all your support and prayers- they mean more than I will ever be able to express in words!

3 months home :)

May 20th marks 3 months home!  It seems like she's always been here with me :)  I was looking back on photos and found this one Munni right before she got her ears pierced again.  Her hair was so short!

In addition to her hair growing, she has endured 2 operations, many medical visits, finished kindergarten, had her very first birthday celebration, and many other "firsts."
Here are some other areas of growth:

Medically
- She has been on an aggressive treatment for her TB, which includes 5 pills a day.  She takes them like a champ :)  We met with the pulmonary doctor at her last visit and she said that it's very likely that the TB has attacked other organs since it is also in her eye.  She said we made the right decision to treat it as aggressively as possible.
- Her eyesight has IMPROVED!!!  This is a HUGE miracle because one of the drugs she is on has a serious side affect of vision loss.  She is taking a large dose, so it was a cost/benefit decision that I prayed wouldn't cost.  Originally, she was 20/80 in both eyes.  Now, she is 20/25!!!  This is a tremendous answer to prayer!
-  I found out that she has schistosomiasis.  What is that you ask?  It's considered one of the Neglected Tropical Diseases.  Again, I am SO thankful that I took her to the IAC or else I never would have found out that she has this until there were serious complications.  Even then, who knows how long it would take to diagnose?  Anyway, it explains some minor issues she was having and the treatment is easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.
- She has grown 1 1/2 inches and gained 0 lbs.  Long and lean - unlike her mommy :)

Emotionally
- Every morning that I drop her off before school, I always tell her to be a good little monkey (she LOVES Curious George!) and that I love her.  About 2 weeks ago, she started telling me back that she loves me.  Melt my heart :)
-  She has opened up to me several times about her past.  The details she remembers are shocking and precise.  Even though it is so difficult to hear her recount these events, I know it is the healthiest thing for her.  I pray for her every day that she would be healed of the emotional injuries she sustained.
- Her meltdowns are now only happening during transition times- after school or if she's spent time at my mom's house. Not that being at my mom's house is bad!!  Being away from me for significant amounts of time has its toll.   It takes about an hour to work through it.  I'm learning better how to deal with them and I think that is helping her.  She needs lots of interaction and coddling from me during these times.  She is openly defiant and tests boundaries during these meltdowns.  Now that I have them pinpointed, it has helped me to not get emotionally involved in them and to handle them more like a police officer writing a ticket, in that I don't take it personally.  Sometimes this is harder if I've had a bad day :)

Socially
- Kindergarten has been great!  She made several good friends that she talked about constantly.  On the last day of her school, the teacher sent home pictures of her with these friends.  What a treat for me to see pictures of her with her classmates and during school.  She is BEAMING in every picture!
-  Her English is improving greatly!  Some of the things she says crack me up.  "Mom- every day me no practice cycle you!"  She got a bike for her birthday and she sweats me all the time about learning how to ride it!  As a second language teacher, I find it interesting the way she puts sentences together.    She is also still using 'me' as a subject pronoun.  "me likes bay-loons."  "Me no likes apples."  She still has a significant accent which I am secretly praying will never go away :)
- She played soccer for about 5 seconds.  I think it was a little much for her in terms of where she was physically fighting the TB and catching up growth wise.  During one practice, she puked after dribbling across the field.  That was pretty much the nail in the head.  I was sad because I was a soccer girl growing up and had visions of soccer greatness for Munni.  But then hope creeped back in when the school sent home a sign up sheet for lollipop fall soccer.  Munni wants to do it....
-  She has confidence in situations where she needs it and clings to me in situations where she should, like meeting a stranger.  Sometimes I forget the survival skills she learned in the orphanage, but this chica can hold her own when it comes to kids.
- She makes jokes.  And they are funny :)
- She understands everything that is said to her.
- We are still co-sleeping and will continue to do so until she is ready to be in her own room.  With what she shared about her past, this makes complete sense to me and I'm happy to do it.  She's a great snuggle bunny :)
- She loves the dogs....especially Simon :)

Ice cream for dinner to celebrate last day of kindergarten!

Some wonderful ladies I work with at school bought Munni a suitcase filled with dress up things.  Oh my goodness, this gift was a HUGE hit!!  Notice Simon was right in there with her!

This bag led to Munni dressing up for our nightly dog walk.  She was thrilled to be out walking in her new "outfit!"

Some very good friends came into town and we met at the local park.  This was Munni's first experience with a splash park.  She had so much fun!  

Our neighborhood pool was just renovated and now includes and awesome splash park.  She loves it!

She snapped this pic with the iPad.  Have I mentioned that she loves photography?

I couldn't resist this one.  She fell asleep with her headset on lol!

Me
I have been growing too.  I'm learning about letting go of the mommy-guilt.  I'm learning how to structure my time better for the both of us.  I'm also learning that I have to make my time with the Lord in the morning.  When I do this, our day is so much better :)  I stumbled upon the Happy Herbivore which has made our mealtimes so much more pleasant!  I stink at meal planning and this literally has been a lifejacket for me.  I'm really, really looking forward to this summer.  When she first got home, almost all of my maternity leave was spent dealing with all of the medical issues.  I'm excited for summer to be able to just hang out and bond.  I have some fun staycation stuff planned and can't wait to make memories with Munni.  I love her so much!!!

All in all, I have to say that Munni is a pretty happy little girl.  I can't tell you the joy this brings me.  God has answered so many of my prayers for her.  His faithfulness is overwhelming!  He continues to move in my life and I'm super excited where he is leading us.  I hope to be able to share details by the end of summer :)

Thank you for all of your prayers and support- I am continually amazed by all the love!

A Sweet Reflection

A year ago today, I officially received Munni's referral! That day was such an emotional day for me. I had the privilege of writing across a gazillion papers that I accept Munni as my daughter. Never have I enjoyed writing and signing my name more than I did that day :)


I love her so much and it absolutely floors me that she is here with me!  God was so faithful to me throughout her journey to come home.  Her case was abnormal for Ind*an adoptions because she was home 13 months from the time that I signed on with the second agency and 9 months after I signed her official referral.  During that journey, I knew supernatural things were happening but wasn't sure why.  The nurse came yesterday to drop off her TB medicines.  She told me that they got the initial results back from the lymphadenectomy and it was positive for active TB.  They are still doing the genetic testing so that they can perfectly tweak her medicines.  Presently, she is taking 4 TB meds and 1 B- vitamin to protect her liver as it metabolizes all of the medicine.  They are hopeful that by the end of June, she will be able to cut back to 2 meds plus the vitamin.  The nurse told me that she has been working exclusively with TB for the past 20 years and this is the first time she's ever worked with an ocular TB case.  She has been doing lots of research and told me that everything she has found has been published by Indian doctors.  That makes sense since India has the largest concentration of TB infected people.  Anyway, it again confirms the reason why her case moved so quickly - her life depended on it.

Munni is such a miracle for me and I feel so blessed that I am her mommy.  I am also SO THANKFUL for everyone who has supported us along the way.  Really, I will never, ever, ever (Taylor Swift?) be able to even come close to expressing how much it has meant to me.  It is definitely something that I will treasure in my heart forever!

A Week of Miracles I Never Want to Forget

On Monday night, February 11th, my caseworker L called me to have our last minute travel conversation.  I was leaving at 3:30 am to get to the airport and be on my way to finally bring Munni home!!!
After the pleasantries, she started the conversation by saying, "I have to tell you a couple of things..."  Now, when you are leaving in less than 8 hours, those kinds of words can make you nervous.  She told me:
1)  Munni's passport still wasn't in.
2)  The Embassy was closed on Monday due to President's Day
3)   Due to the big adoption conference, it would be closed on Tuesday and Wednesday as well.

My tickets were scheduled for us to leave Tuesday night, the 19th.  In addition, we were supposed to fly to Delhi on Friday, get the TB skin test on Saturday, have them read the test on Monday and start the Visa interview and either get the Visa later Monday night or Tuesday.

I told her, "Well, that isn't good but I'm not surprised."  We both agreed that we needed to pray.  A LOT.  I knew and she knew that there was a reason I was supposed to get Munni on Valentine's Day.  From the time I got back from the first trip to Hyderabad, Mer had been so encouraging to me when I would doubt I would get Munni then.  She kept affirming me that indeed that was God's plan for us.  Having someone else be so certain was a great confirmation to me.  I called Mer as soon as I got off the phone with L and asked her to please pray it would all work out.
Boy did it ever!!!
Here's what happened:

1)  When I touched down in Hyderabad and got to the hotel on the night of the 13th, M had left a note for me at the front desk.  We would be heading to the orphanage at 10:15.  She didn't mention anything about the passport but I was getting excited!!!
2)  Valentine's Day morning, M and I had breakfast together before going to the orphanage.  She told me it was a miracle- Munni's passport came in yesterday!!!!!
3)  When we arrived at the orphanage, A told M that Munni's file only needed one more signature so we could go right down to the orphanage to get her!!  Originally I was told we would be spending several hours in the office before I would be allowed to get her!
4)  After I got Munni, we went back to the office and signed all of the final papers for 2/14/2013 :)  Munni passed out the chocolates I brought.  All you mamas out there, chocolate is great gift to bring as well as the saris!!  They LOVED the chocolate!
5)  Munni and I were interviewed by the news channel!  Hopefully someone out there who saw it felt a nudging in their heart to adopt.
6)  M was able to get Munni and my tickets changed for us to leave that night instead of Friday.
7)  M was able to get us an appointment with the Embassy for Friday.
8)  We got Munni's TB skin test on Friday and successfully started the visa process on Friday.  While at the Embassy, I begged and pleaded for someone to be there on Tuesday.  I used all of my "How to Win Friends and Influence People" tactics I could remember.  But most of all, I prayed that God would weigh upon their hearts.  They told us someone would call and let us know.
9)  Late Friday M got a call from the Embassy asking if Munni had started the Medical.  She took it as a sign they would be there on Tuesday.
10)  Saturday morning M told me to plan on going to the Embassy on Tuesday.
11)  On Monday, we got her skin test read and it came back positive.  They took two chest X-rays and the doctor signed off on two different reports that she was free to leave.  THIS IS A HUGE MIRACLE.  I didn't realize how miraculous this was until several weeks later.  If he hadn't done that, she would have been stuck there for almost another year.  That would have been devastating and I honestly believe there would have been irreparable damage done to our relationship.  In addition, it's quite possible she could have died since the TB was now in her eye.
12)  Monday evening I met L for the first time in person in Ind*a!!!!!!!!!  She, M, Munni and I had dinner.  It was the best dinner!!!  L kept telling me she couldn't believe the change in Munni, that it was as if she were looking at a different child.  She had seen Munni for years and was worried about her.
13)  Tuesday morning I woke up at 4 am.  I was anxious.  I checked my messages and there were a ton from the people who were watching my dogs.  Something had happened to Lola and it wasn't good.  I will blog about this later, but suffice it to say that it started the day in high stress.  I tried to pray and I tried to skype Mer.  I left her a message to please pray.
14) At  9 am Tuesday morning we went to the embassy.   We got there and not only was someone there, but they were expecting us.  M told me it would be several hours.  She went to the bathroom.  5 minutes later, the Embassy woman called, "Munni Williams?"  I jumped up and ran to the window.  She handed me the super secret immigration packet and told me not to open it and to give it to the immigration people when we landed in the US.  Then she handed me the Hague certificate and told me, "Congratulations on the adoption of your daughter!"
I completely lost it and started bawling.  I couldn't help it!  The flood gates were opened and tears kept flowing.  I thanked her profusely!  I picked Munni up and we headed outside to the bathroom.  M was coming out of the bathroom and saw us and saw that I was crying.  She looked worried for about a second and I smiled and choked out the words, "WE GOT IT!!!!"  She started crying and hugged us.  From the time we entered the Embassy until the time we left, only 25 minutes had passed.  I didn't find out until a couple weeks later that Erin, a dear friend and another adoptive mama, had written to the Embassy and asked them to please help me.  She knows them well due to her case and they love her!!!
15)  Munni and I boarded the plane to come home on Tuesday night :)
16)  Munni and I arrived in Cincy on February 20th- the original scheduled date.

Time after time after time the Lord has showed me that HE IS FAITHFUL and that NOTHING is impossible for him.  There are times in my day when for a moment I will stop and think about all he has done in order to bring Sweet Munni home.  It brings me to tears every time.  I think about all of the people who have been praying for us and encouraging us.  I know those prayers were heard!!  One of the best things I have ever done was to get the tattoo of the verse he whispered to me when I was in my darkest hour, questioning whether or not I would be able to adopt Munni.  The situation had seemed hopeless and that's when he told me, "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" - Genesis 18:14

Post Surgery Update and a LittleTuberculosis Education

Let me start this post by clarifying that MUNNI IS NOT CONTAGIOUS !! Believe me, I understand the questions and that they are coming from a place of just not knowing. Tuberculosis is not very common in the US ( although it is on the rise) so we don't hear about it enough to really know everything about it. I myself didn't know anything about it except that it kills people and it used to be called consumption and it was really sad when Moll Flanders lover died from it. I feel like I had a crash course and thanks to my super investigatory skilled sister, I'm pretty sure we know more about it than some doctors! Yes, Munni had full blown TB and now her lungs are calcified. Yes, she contracted it in the last couple of months. Yes, she contracted it from an adult in her orphanage. Yes, I am angry that a TB active person is allowed to have contact with the children in the orphanage. Yes, I told my agency everything so they could inform the orphanage what was going on. Yes, please pray that if any other children contracted it from that person that they are able to get medical care or better, they are able to come home rápido.

The biggest thing to understand is that you can only contract TB airborne and through pulmonary active TB. In addition, it is almost impossible to contract TB from a child. Since Munni's lungs are calcified, the TB there and in her lymphatic system is considered latent - non - contagious. When we got the CT scan last week, I was told to pack a bag in the event we would be admitted. Based on what they found in the CT scan, we would know if her lungs were infected by active TB and they were not. Although they were shocked she survived because it was an extremely bad case, we were cleared by Children's Hospital to go home without any type of restriction or quarantine. This is where it gets confusing: the TB in her eye is active. So why isn't she considered contagious if the TB in her eye is active? Because you can only contract TB airborne- if she cries on you or a toy, you still can't get it. Here is the statement from the Mayo Clinic:

Tuberculosis is caused by bacteria that spread from person to person through microscopic droplets released into the air. This can happen when someone with the untreated, active form of tuberculosis coughs, speaks, sneezes, spits, laughs or sings.
Although tuberculosis is contagious, it's not easy to catch. You're much more likely to get tuberculosis from someone you live with or work with than from a stranger. Most people with active TB who've had appropriate drug treatment for at least two weeks are no longer contagious.

So now you may be thinking, well how did she get it in her eye? TB is super aggressive in children and goes on the rampage attacking other organs besides the lungs. The TB she contracted started in her lungs and then spread SYSTEMICALLY to her lymphatic system and unfortunately, her eye. Ocular Tuberculosis is extremely rare and very hard to diagnose. If it weren't for the several signs- extremely abnormal skin test, spot on the X-ray, confirmation through the CT scan and finally a positive blood test, who knows if they would have ever diagnosed it. A friend emailed me the night of her surgery and told me a heartbreaking story. A family they are friends with adopted a little girl and it turned out she had Ocular Tuberculosis. Only for her, it did not end well because it took them too long to figure out what it was. Remember, it is EXTREMELY rare. By time they diagnosed it, it had affected parts of her brain and eventually led to death. I can't tell you how sad I was reading that email. One thing about international adoption vs domestic adoption that I don't think people really understand is that with IA more often than not, you are literally saving a child's life. I know people complain about our health care system but we are so very blessed with the medicine and care that is available to us here.

Munni is not contagious and I would never put anyone at risk. I hope that is clear. I also am open to any questions; I am a teacher after all :)

Her eye surgery was expected to last between 30 minutes to an hour. It ended up taking an hour and a half. It was very important to me that I could be there when she woke up. They usually don't let you, I guess because of protocol, but my sister and I begged and pleaded and it worked! They had an oxygen mask on her when we got to the recovery room because she was so heavily asleep. It ended up taking Munni almost as long as the surgery to wake up! We finally got her to respond when I asked her if she wanted a mango. She nodded her head so fast I thought she was going to get dizzy and puke!

The doctor said it was deeper than he thought- it was 50% into her cornea and there were also some long feeder like blood vessels. You aren't supposed to have blood vessels in your cornea, which is another indicator that it is TB. She has a cloudy spot that will be permanent. We are hopeful that a good portion of the opaqueness will dissipate. Originally, they wanted to wait to start any TB medication until after they cleared her of parasites. After the surgery, the ophthalmologist wanted her to start her meds ASAP. He felt the protocol she was on (non TB meds) had worked in halting it a little bit but wanted her to start the real deal to keep from any further damage to her eye. He spoke with her ID doctor and they consulted with a bunch of other ID doctors and today they told me what they hope the regimen will be for her. We have to go back tomorrow for more blood work on her liver and renal system to make sure she can metabolize the medicines. Here's the bad news: one of the medicines, ethambutol, carries a risk for vision loss. The risk is low but since her eye is already compromised, it is more of a risk for her. I asked them to try and find an alternative. Whether they do or not, she will be monitored closely. The good news is that they are hoping she will only be on the drugs for 6 months instead of the 9-12 months they originally thought.

I would really appreciate your prayers for healing for Munni. This has been really difficult obviously, but also because this sweet little girl has already experienced so much abuse and trauma in her life. There are no words to express how much it completely blows to watch her scream in not just physical pain, but emotional pain. Please also pray for our bonding as mother and daughter. More the anything I want Munni to feel safe and loved with me. The language barrier makes it difficult because I can't explain to her that I'm bringing her to all of these appointments and procedures because I LOVE HER and want her to be healthy. I'm not so sure she understands that when she gives me her death stare. And if you think about it, will you pray for me too? It has been really hard to take everything in that I've learned about her and all this suffering. I know that I haven't processed it at all. I want to do it in a healthy way but honestly, haven't gotten to the place where I can let the walls down because we've had to forge through all of this stuff.

Finally, if you are adopting internationally, I implore you to please take your child to an international adoption clinic!!!! This might sound crazy but I wasn't going to do that with Munni. My thought process was that I saw the orphanage where she lived, it was clean and she was fed well. She is older and except for the sty, healthy. I have never been more wrong in my entire life.